watercolor on arches hot press, destroyed with ink/digital
And so, apparently, my muse is pregnant. And hott. And she wears tube socks. I can’t shake the tube socks. But she is unable to tell me how to stop ruining everything.
I began my routine of late-night art Mondays last night. I developed a crappy roll of film–an entire roll of images I knew I didn’t need to take; began a beautiful ink drawing, but screwed it up by ignoring my intuition to just stop; then made this watercolor and destroyed her, too. This one I “destroyed” by getting crazy with the ink.
What you see here is my desperate attempts on photoshop to cover the ink mess. Desperate attempts=digitally making most of the inky crap black. I think I made it even worse. It looked really good when it was all white. Sort of unfinished, but in a good, wispy way. And then, as I had just done with the ink drawing, I ignored that little voice that said “that is enough,” and assaulted it with black ink.
I am on a “ruin everything” mission, it seems. Yesterday, I forgot to add salt to the bread, and ruined it, which, in turn, ruined the cinnamon rolls I made with the same dough. And there was last night’s mess of an art session. And today I ruined what should have been a really good curry dish for lunch. I mean, Julie ate it. And had seconds. But it was RUINED! RUINED, I TELL YOU!
I’m reading Women Who Run With The Wolves (a title that Hercules had a hard time checking out from the library for me), and I’ve just read a tale about a girl who, essentially, carried a magical doll in her pocket that told her what to do: turn left, turn right, stop talking. I’ve got that magical doll, we all have that intuition. I think my current task is to remember how to listen to her.
I think I get it. I do think I hear her (so many voices up in here). I do think that I can decipher between internal and external. But I tend to disobey.
The Illustration Friday prompt is “Renewal.” I had read that a couple days ago, and remembered it as “Rebirth.” Close enough, right? My intuition tells me “yes.”
oh my! love you!
I would have had thirds… Your culinary skills and artistic abilities are spectacular!
Can’t help you with the tube socks. But on too much…do you know of Bev Bos?
Another of the pithy statements from Bev that has stuck with me, which also fits here is, “children have to use too much.” Experience, whether it entails amounts of effort or materials, has to approach extremes in order for a child to determine in the end what is suitable for them. A mom at the school shared with me that her son painted his entire body after a reading of the children’s book “I Ain’t Gonna Paint No More.” The next day he was content to just dab a little on his wrist. And, after that, it ended. He had sorted out what felt right for him.
http://www.turnthepage.com/articles.php?pid=22
love.
I have trouble leaving well enough alone. Like well enough is somehow settling for “good enough” so I keep pushing, b/c good enough isn’t my best, so it’s not enough. Well, enough already.
if you’re ruining stuff that means you’re attempting stuff instead of just being a little baby about it. So this is all good. if you keep attempting then you will start hitting it. right? I think?
I on the other hand walked past a blank canvas about 700 times today and went and cleaned our room instead. In a very miserable spazzy sort of way.
but I have found that sometimes (sometimes) right before I do something good I have a “nesting” period where I have to pave the way and make everything nicey so I can head in with a clear space in front of me.
and , for the record, your watercolor looks far from ruined to me. <3
I love your muse
I agree about needing to “ruin” stuff in order to grow as an artist. I know what you mean, though, and it’s really frustrating. But it’s necessary. I actually really like your result, and was trying to imagine it before it “went black.”
I enjoyed your illustration and your musings! Great stuff.
ruin? experiment? run wild through tick-heavy grasses? must MUST be done. must.
not the smell, but the neccessity. must.
I ruin things, too. Or rather, there is a part of me who is always saying, “You ruined it!” She doesn’t like things to be ruined, she has certain ideas, nothing can be salvaged.
I didn’t know she was there until recently. But now that I can hear her, she seems to calm the f*ck down. Sometimes.
You’ve got a mission, pat clap, pat clap, you’ve got a mission. (To the Einstein song)
I like it! Before I read what you had written I was totally grooving with her. I initially thought she was pregnant with the earth, cause she could use a fresh start and her water was breaking. And I think the tube socks are a great touch!
oh but I do love her… regardless of if she is ruined.
i tend to have more of a problem of being too scared to continue- thinking that if i keep going to try to finish something i’ll ruin it. so i have a pile of shit just sitting there.. unfinished.
not complete…
scared.
what’s really the point of that either?
i like that you tried. that you kept going- even if you went past your intuition.
sometimes- when i am creating something and i am afraid that i’ll fuck it up- i scan or photograph it in its steps- so that way at least if i do keep going and fuck it up, i at least have one copy of it that it was nearly perfect.
i love your pregnant earthly mamas with their sockies.
i have get to get a little frame for mine. laaa
still a beautiful figure.
i have trouble with the voices in my head only because they can’t seem to agree.
i love her and if you hadn’t told on yourself, i’d never have guessed she wasn’t meant to be. perhaps she WAS meant to be, just as she is.
just as you are meant to be just as you are. mistakes and all, sistermamalove.
xoxo so grateful for you, my friend!
rah rah rah for rocket
But I’m sitting here saying “she writes, photographs, *and* she paints?”
Your earth-mama-pregnant-goddess is divine!
I LOVE this!! So creative and lovely!
i find this again…
she’s birthing the earth.
after i wrote a post about me, birthing the moon…
i go back through your words and images. discovering you again. like when you read your favourite book for the second time and find pieces that suddenly seem to have changed- hold an entirely different meaning.
and here she is.
birthing the earth.
(its amazing for me to realise that i first saw this just days before finding out i was pregnant. is that how things will be from now on? the before and after. this is what i did before i was pregnant. before i discovered a baby growing inside. this is what i did after i had my baby. etc etc.. )