We now interrupt our regularly scheduled upswing with . . .
and
By the time I descended into my lair to get some crazy out last night, I fucked up an attempt to do an ink wash of yesterday’s sketch. And so I was infuuuuuuriated with myself. Because I could have developed film or played the guitar or painted a watercolor or worked on that terrible opening chapter. And those thoughts made me more insane because then I decided that I am just an all-around absolute loser, of course. Why must I (TRY to) do everything? My muse is not just promiscuous, she is a whore. Because she makes it so that I am not even good at anything.
(I am not looking for pity or smoke up my ass, here. I am just spilling. So pleeeeease, so help me, don’t.)
I’m a little thrown off by this. And I’m kind of spinning in circles. And I’ll do some business things when I can today, like working on the photography website and ordering shipping supplies. Good, concrete, boring things. And I will have a friend here for coffee, and I will screw a few hinges onto my cupboard doors. And, of course, I will mother as a verb. But I can’t promise that I won’t just go ahead and have a breakdown. Which makes me feel weak and stupid and lonely, because who feels this way, really? I mean, pull yourself together, woman! There are real problems in this world! Remember how you felt about your fellow college students who complained about their art woes while you studied organic chemistry and microbiology? Where is that one chick? Maybe she was just a sad, jealous, trapped little thing. But maybe we could buck up and channel her today? Huh? You lunatic?
Shoot. I’ve just realized that there are people that blog to uplift and inspire other people, and not to talk to themselves in public.
And so I’m going to try really hard to post something normal-bloggy tomorrow.
*curtsy*
Wouldn’t have you any other way!!!
talk to yourself all you want. It makes me feel better to know other people do it too!
And I love that your muse is a whore!!!
all i can type here, ‘pity the ass-smokin’ fool’ in mr. t’s voice… thats all…rock on.
lol, curtsy.
And so I’m going to try really hard to post something normal-bloggy tomorrow.
don’t you dare.
Oh, Kate, lol. I’m married to a Mr. T fan so I can totally hear that.
I like your blog SO much.
oh, no…. no pity here… just giggling….:) well, maybe nervous giggling. :/ hee hee.
Sorry. I’m bringing smoke. Because where there’s smoke….
Go easy on yourself. You’re finding you way. No need to get ugly on you.
xoxo
ditto to all the above.
You are awesome.
“Normal” blog? hahahaha
honey, you should see what i’ve been blogging lately….very talking to myself in public. go ahead, it makes the rest of feel like we have company.
you just tell that little libertine to keep on going. if you go all normal on us, i’m outta here.
sometimes we need to hear about others humanity to feel less alone. Breathe! Take a break and then try again
Thanks for writing