i am
sandwiches on plates
milk in cups
I wrote a poem the other night that started like this. Except, I don’t actually know what “poem” means. And so I won’t share it with you as such. I will, maybe, make the words lyrics someday.
>>>digression. I listened to the very end of an interview with Anais Mitchell this weekend on NPR. I turned on the radio, on my way to my beachy solitary-ing, intent on remaining open to signs and natural instinct. Of course, then, she was being interviewed for her new folk drama, Hadestown. Hades! Persephone! Orpheus! Eurydice! Alright, already. I get it. It is time to focus on that damn novel again, apparently. (ha, ha! damn! underworld! get it? is this thing on?) But I bring it up, because she said something like this: ”If you want to be a poet nowadays, you’d better learn how to play the guitar.” end digression<<<
Essentially, the ”poem” was a list of all the pointless, meaningless things I am to them, these kids. I realized recently, or remembered, that I am not as important to them as I think I am. This is both heartbreaking and liberating. I am the biology that got them here, the biology that facilitates their continued living. But beyond that, they are independent little bodies, free little spirits. Usually, I am just getting in their way. The “poem” ends:
and i can’t help but consider
sea turtles
You know, sea turtles. Because the mothers abandon their children, as eggs, on the beach. (tap, tap. is this thing on?) I mean, no. I’m not planning on deserting my babies. But, really. Those little hatchlings are perfectly capable. The species still survives, right? (Okay. I just looked this up. And there are a few different species of sea turtles. And most of them are endangered. So nevermind. Forget the sea turtle thing. Just forget it.)
And so guess what. Now Dimples is really sick. And he needs me. Go figure. All lies, these epiphanies. All lies!
This is the photo that started all of this “independent children” thinking in the first place:
- independent shortcake in bath, digital.
and another, for good measure:
