Posts Tagged ‘boom-boom ain’t it great to be crazy’

double

July 27, 2010

i had intended something a little more obscene with this week’s illustration friday prompt, “double.”  but then the lines in her hair reminded me of a rainbow, and i couldn’t help but think of the double rainbow guy.  i lummeesum double rainbow guy.  in my current state, i would not need to be intoxicated to be so deeply moved by a double rainbow.  i can assure you, i too would sob and plead with the universe for the meaning.  what does it meeeeeean?  and i would answer myself: it means absolutely nothing and “full-on” everything at once.  it all has meaning, and then double meaning.  it all counts.  every breath, every thought, every glimmer, every shadow, every sound, every letter, every space, every single punctuation mark.

[breaks down, sobbing]

!

graphite and watercolor pencil on sketch paper.  and also maybe a little saliva.  to, uh, wet the brush.
graphite and watercolor pencil on sketch paper. and also maybe a little saliva. to, uh, wet the brush.

tweeting and driving

July 6, 2010
All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware. (Martin Buber)
dimples, holga, tri-x, kettle moraine

dimples, holga, tri-x, kettle moraine

someone once said that the definition of insanity is taking four children on a cross-country road trip.  i think maybe that someone was me, precisely one year ago, when we did such a thing.  but then i forgot, because now we are doing it again.  this one will be shorter than last year’s trip, only 22 hours of driving each way.  last year i spent the entire time in the passenger seat puting newborn dreadlocks into my hair.  this year, i plan to spend the entire time tweeting.  so, follow me through the thrills of iowa and nebraska, through the joys of altitude sickness in colorado.  it’ll be fun.  i promise.  if i can figure it out, i’ll upload an occasional shot of my journals (watercolor, ink, writing, i’m feeling ambitious).  we leave tomorrow morning.  i wonder if i should consider packing?

rain is my BEST thing

June 7, 2010

it all started like this, torrential rain in bursts, and the compulsion to fully experience it.TAF_2629x

and then he said this, and i couldn’t not write it down.TAF_2639xand then she remembered how fun chalk is when the pavement is wet.TAF_2641xand so did he.  TAF_2640xand let’s just say we were deeply moved.TAF_2646xand then:blueand then:blue2

This past weekend, Louise and I went to investigate the theory that online people are actually real people.  On a whim.  To . . . Kansas.

from deb's polaroid camera when we said goodbye at the airport.
from deb’s polaroid camera when we said goodbye at the airport.

It turns out—get this—they are!  Real people, that is.  Real-person Deb invited us into her home for the weekend, without agenda, without purpose (oh shit!  I can do things for no reason!).  Just . . . for fun.  She caffeinated us and fed us and entertained us and photographed us (oh shit!  i have a face!) and even let us borrow her super-cute real-person husband as, oh, you know, our own personal pilot (oh shit!  i can choose to fly!).  Just . . . for fun.  Real-person Aimee met us on Saturday and helped us drink a bottle of wine and splurge on a few items of over-priced clothing at Anthropologie (oh, shit!  i can buy an apple shirt! because who does not want a shirt with apples all over it?).  Just for . . . well, you get the idea.

holga fisheye, amy + me

aimee + me, holga fisheye

 It was a weekend full of frivolous nonsense.  It was not rational in the least.  And it was absolutely wonderful.

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me + deb + rock music

It was incredible to spend time with all of these three women, so full of vitality and wisdom and beauty.  One thing that struck me about them was the connection they have to their own power.  It is not an I-have-something-to-prove sort of thing, but a certain inner knowing and acceptance and manifestation of their own unique gifts.  I am so inspired by them all, by their power and joy and authenticity and the bravery to challenge the concepts of “easy” and “safe” in order to live their own fabulous truths.  Lately, I’ve been remembering:  (oh, shit!)  I am a real person with my own real talents and my own real choices and my own real place in the story.  There is the balance between 1., knowing  that you are enough, that “all you had to do was be born,” and 2., being connected to that truth and purpose that you were born with, and living.  It’s all about the mojo, y’awl.  (Oh shit!  That mojo is powerful, though.  So watch out, when it hits you.)

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julie (louise) + me (thelma) + deb (superstar)

 AND P.S., HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!  (please do sing.)

 

i could not color

between the lines, so i burned

the damn col’ring book

 
Louise the third and her ever-present bikini.  (digital)

Louise the fourth and her ever-present bikini. it was like, below zero, i swear. (digital)

raining

April 25, 2010

 

TAF_2286x

 

now kids,
this does not apply to sex, because
birth control, for goodness’ sake.
birth control.  but

this weekend, i was reminded how good it feels,
and how obscenely natural,
to stand in the pouring rain,
forgetting that concept of
umbrella,
to raise my face to the sky,
and to get rained on,

dammit.

in which i say the P word

April 15, 2010
I am giddy, expectation whirls me round.

The imaginary relish is so sweet

That it enchants my sense.

 
William Shakespeare
holga on the then-snowy shores of lk michigan.  right image with fisheye.

holga on the then-snowy shores of lk michigan. right image with fisheye. completely irrelevant to the post.

 The P word.

(No, not that, you dirty thing, you.)

And, no!  not pregnant, godsaveusfromoverpopulation.

P…

Puh…

Pub….

PUBLISHED!!!

I think I’m actually supposed to act cool about this.  Like, oh, ho-hum.  I am so very important and oh, by the way, I almost forgot about this other thing I’m published in . . .

Except I’m not a good faker.  And I’ve never actually been PUBLISHED before.  And so, I’m not acting very cool about it at all.  I mean,check out some of the other riduculously fabulous bloggers who have been featured in this magazine!  I think you’ll agree with me: my freakout is valid.

The Summer 2010 issue of Artful Blogging is available on May 1st online or in bookstores like Barnes and Noble.  (Barnes and swearing effing cussing Noble!)  This issue is bright orange; you can’t miss it.  And when you’re finished with pages 68-73 (that’s six pages of my stuff, woot), thumb through the pages of good company my words and pictures are keeping.  Here are a few from this issue that I checked out:

http://emmallamb.blogspot.com/  (crochet flowers!  it’s fate!)

http://swirlygirl.typepad.com/  (the illustrious Christine Mason Miller.)

http://lavenderlimes.blogspot.com/  (visual feast and now i’m off to make some dal or maybe move to India.)

http://www.mocking-bird.org/blog/  (can it be?  a fellow film-shooter I didn’t know about?)

http://shonastudio.blogspot.com/  (has more kids than me and is well-acquainted with the P word.)

This could get addictive, being PUBLISHED.  pub.  (the fuck)  lished.  baby.

However shall I celebrate?

I Raise My Cup

April 12, 2010
one pre-snow, two post-thaw magnolia blossoms.  (digi)

one pre-snow, two post-thaw magnolia blossoms. (digi)

I Raise My Cup To Him – Anais …

 

Pour the wine and raise a cup
Drink up, brothers, you know how
And spill a drop for Orpheus
Wherever he is now

Some birds sing when the sun shines bright
My praise is not for them
But the one who sings in the dead of night
I raise my cup to him

Wherever he is wandering
Alone upon the earth
Let all our singing follow him
And bring him comfort

Some flowers bloom when the green grass grows
My praise is not for them
But the one who blooms in the bitter snow
I raise my cup to him

I raise my cup and drink it up

I raise it high and drink it dry

To Orpheus and all of us
Goodnight, brothers, goodnight

 ~Anais Mitchell, from Hadestown (for which, by the way, I’m in need of either babysitting or a date or both:  Chicago, Sept. 11)

the one who bloomed in the bitter snow. . .

the one who bloomed in the bitter snow. . .

It is different for me to remain objective during the dark of the moon.  But for whatever reason (serotonin receptors saturated with chocolate?  all other receptors saturated with coffee?  extra sunny vitamin D doses?), I am relatively . . . happy.  Receptive, new-moon-ish, but . . . happy.  And in this strange state, I’m noticing that a lot of people aren’t.  I don’t mean un-grateful, un-zen, what’s wrong with all of you pathetic, un-happy people.  I mean tragedy-induced grief, crisis-induced overwhelm, hormones and cycles and hermitage and clinical depression.  Valid shit.

If you’re one of them, I give you a virtual pat on the shoulder and an “I’ve been there.”  Because I have been there; I visit relatively often, actually.  I offer you virtual sympathy, but I don’t do pity (who wants pity, anyway?).  I raise my cup to you, if, like Orpheus, you’re singing in the dead of night.  And I site Rilke as my excuse to virtually slap you in the face if you are faking it, and/or hoping for something better, you “spendthrift of sorrows,” you. 

May I, one day, emerging from this grim vision,
sing jubilation and praise to assenting angels.
May no clearly struck hammer of my heart
fail to sound from slack, doubting, or
breaking strings.  May my tear-filled face
make me more shining; may my simple tears
flower.  how dear will you be to me then,
you nights of affliction.  Why couldn’t I kneel more deeply
     and accept you,
inconsolable sisters, or loosen myself
freely into your loosened hair.  We spendthrifts of sorrows.
How we keep peering beyond them ahead into sad duration,
to see if perhaps they might have an end.  But they are truly
our winter-enduring foliage, the dark green of our life’s meaning,
one season of our secret year—, not only
time—, but also place, settlement, shelter, soil, abode.

Rainer Maria Rilke, from The Tenth Elegy, (trans. Galway Kinnell and Hannah Liebmann)

Portions of Eternity

April 10, 2010

The roaring of lions, the howling of wolves,

the raging of the stormy sea, and the destructive sword,

are portions of eternity, too great for the eye of man.

William Blake, Proverbs of Hell, in The Prophetic Books 

holga, fisheye, tri-x 400.  kiki, dimples, my feet.

holga, fisheye, tri-x 400. kiki, dimples, my feet.

Am I perpetually unhappy, or am I perpetually inspired?

Do I have ADHD, or do I have particularly keen senses?

Am I unable to finish a project, or am I unable to deny a potentially brilliant idea my attention?

I found this article and then this, googling—I kid you not—”creativity and distractibility.”  (SPARKLY!)

“Scientists have wondered for a long time why madness and creativity seem linked,” says Carson. “It appears likely that low levels of latent inhibition and exceptional flexibility in thought might predispose to mental illness under some conditions and to creative accomplishment under others.”

“This means that creative individuals remain in contact with the extra information constantly streaming in from the environment,” says co-author and U of T psychology professor Jordan Peterson. “The normal person classifies an object, and then forgets about it, even though that object is much more complex and interesting than he or she thinks. The creative person, by contrast, is always open to new possibilities.”

“We are very excited by the results of these studies,” says Peterson. “It appears that we have not only identified one of the biological bases of creativity but have moved towards cracking an age-old mystery: the relationship between genius, madness and the doors of perception.”

Regarding me, we think the jury’s still out.  But until the verdict (or the next distraction), I’m happy with this explanation.

(The study in its entirety, in PDF form, here.)

struts and frets

March 26, 2010

Waxing moon, crazy me.  Just last night I told m’girl that I have two kinds of crabby: waning moon (woe is me) and waxing moon (everything!  now!  must!).  She said, “the moon is waxing, right?”

I stay up too late, trying to desperately attend to all of the inspiration that speeds around my head.  Sometimes I feel like a pack of hyenas upon myself, scavenging whatever is left, whatever we can get from the dead carcass of me. 

The other night, around 10 PM, I felt tired.  There is this wise zen-like woman in there somewhere that whispered, Burnout, love.  This is burnout.  Rest your body and your mind.  You have all the time in the world.  Take care of you.  And probably, also, she said ommmmm.

But the loud, obnoxious one said, Burnout’s a stupid FUCK!  A bitch I don’t have time for!  A poor player that struts and frets her hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more!  I’m not sure why Shakespeare was brought into it, but the loud one won, and I developed some film.

I just can’t help but like that bitchy one.  She brings me things like this:

Untitled-1

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all 3 photos: tri-x 400 pushed a stop in mamiya c330 tlr