Shortcake « And Her Head Popped Off

Posts Tagged ‘Shortcake’

to them . . .

March 10, 2010

i am
sandwiches on plates
milk in cups

I wrote a poem the other night that started like this. Except, I don’t actually know what “poem” means. And so I won’t share it with you as such. I will, maybe, make the words lyrics someday.

>>>digression. I listened to the very end of an interview with Anais Mitchell this weekend on NPR. I turned on the radio, on my way to my beachy solitary-ing, intent on remaining open to signs and natural instinct. Of course, then, she was being interviewed for her new folk drama, Hadestown. Hades! Persephone! Orpheus! Eurydice! Alright, already. I get it. It is time to focus on that damn novel again, apparently. (ha, ha! damn! underworld! get it? is this thing on?) But I bring it up, because she said something like this: ”If you want to be a poet nowadays, you’d better learn how to play the guitar.” end digression<<<

Essentially, the ”poem” was a list of all the pointless, meaningless things I am to them, these kids. I realized recently, or remembered, that I am not as important to them as I think I am. This is both heartbreaking and liberating. I am the biology that got them here, the biology that facilitates their continued living. But beyond that, they are independent little bodies, free little spirits. Usually, I am just getting in their way. The “poem” ends:

and i can’t help but consider
sea turtles

You know, sea turtles. Because the mothers abandon their children, as eggs, on the beach. (tap, tap. is this thing on?) I mean, no. I’m not planning on deserting my babies. But, really. Those little hatchlings are perfectly capable. The species still survives, right? (Okay. I just looked this up. And there are a few different species of sea turtles. And most of them are endangered. So nevermind. Forget the sea turtle thing. Just forget it.)

And so guess what. Now Dimples is really sick. And he needs me. Go figure. All lies, these epiphanies. All lies!

This is the photo that started all of this “independent children” thinking in the first place:

: independent shortcake in bath, digital.

and another, for good measure:

Tags: Dimples, i just felt like i needed an extra tag, kids, Motherhood, music, myth, photo, Shortcake, writing
Posted in Creativity, Motherhood, Photography | 3 Comments »

momentarily awakened (and then lost again)

March 8, 2010

I’ve written those (first) two words into a poem—abandoned and reworked and abandoned and rediscovered and (you get the idea)—since I was sixteen. They have new meaning for me every time I write them.

Tonight, my newly-formed guitar string finger calluses tap-tap-tapped on the keyboard, as I began to love on my little-novel-that-could again. I wrote: Momentarily awakened in the moonless night . . .

And on cue, Shortcake woke up, calling to me from the bed. “Mommy?” I ran to her, snuggled up and kissed her cheek. “Mommy’s here,” I whispered. Sleepily, she put her arm on mine, and said, smiling, “Oh. There y’are.”

Then, Dimples woke up, febrile and coughing, with a sore ear. After ibuprofen and forehead kisses, he smiled and said, “Mom? My number one favorite thing is drawing.”

I wrote all of the above last night, and returned to Dimples’ side, eventually falling asleep with my ass on his floor and my head on his bed. And so I don’t actually know where I was going with this train of thought. Which reminds me. This weekend, traveling home from a blissful day alone on a snowy beach, I got lost in the boonies of Wisconsin. I ended up on a windy, hilly road in a thick forest, and completely lost my sense of direction. It was perfect. I was so far gone, and did not want to be found. Except that I really had to pee. Which reminds me. I’ve got to tell you about our lost-backpacking-in-a-blizzard-spring-break-trip sometime. Which reminds me. Of this, which I’ve posted before, maybe last spring:

I’m not lost. I’m exploring. (Jana Stanfield).

tri-x in holga, dusty neg scan, Mowgli

Tags: Dimples, film, holga, how to fly by the seat of your pants, Motherhood, Mowgli, outside, photo, quotes, Shortcake, writing
Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »

My Experience

March 1, 2010

There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency – and a virtue; and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency – and a vice. (Mark Twain)

: tri-x 400 mf film in mamiya c330, shortcake

I often chastise myself for my inconsistency, despite my apparent tendency to praise it. Or maybe it’s the other way around? And I don’t, in self-pity, mean inconsistency in skills, but in interests.

This is not yet another defense or justification of my fickle-ness. (There are far too many of those on this blog.) I’m just sharing my thoughts. I won’t even quote Emerson. I promise. But I might quote William Blake. Yes. I believe I shall.

Those who restrain desire, do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained. (William Blake)

I do not have weak desires. And I have many—some yet restrained, some not. Here is where I am, regarding a few of the unrestrained ones: 1) in love with this film, and with putting bits of light and shadow on it. 2) in love with my novel again, and with fixing and strengthening it. 3) in love with this new guitar, and with building up these finger calluses. (not only can i sort of play and sing my funny little nonsense song, but i can also sing and play “blowin’ in the wind,” and so how sexy is that?) 4) in love with pencils and ink and watercolor paper, and working on a new drawing. 5) moonlighting, obviously.

When I think about it, there is this annoying grown-up in me that wags a finger and says things like, “Stop this frivolous nonsense!” and “Do the dishes!” and “Go to bed before 1:30 AM!” and “What is the point?” and “If you would just focus, maybe you’d finish something.” and “Be responsible. Make money.” But when they are quiet, which is most of the time, there is myth and art and music. And I can’t quite remember why that is a problem. Myth and Art and Music! I don’t want to remember why that is a problem.

So, to answer the annoying, finger-wagging, grown-up-me; there is no point, really—that is the recent epiphany. The only purpose of all of “this” is simply to share my experience of It with a capital I. If my whore-ish muse wants to flit and float, who am I to stop her? This is how I experience it: an overwhelm of inspiration and emotion and passion and . . . everything. And I do what I can to express that experience, simply because I want to. It’s never enough, I’m never enough, it will never be enough, and yet it is. And I am.

So there.

Tags: boom-boom ain't it great to be crazy, create, film, inspiration, music, myth, non-pissy, photo, Shortcake, writing
Posted in Creativity, Frivolous Nonsense, Photography | 8 Comments »

doldrums schmoldrums

February 20, 2010

Alternative title: February is the F-word.

It is still February. February somewhat sucks. For a while there, I had decided that I was going to pump Wellbutrin into our village water system, and maybe try to transmit it electronically, as well. Or Prozac. Or Heroin. The other day, a friend read a phone-text and shook her head, laughing. “Everyone’s depressed!” And it’s true. There is some hard core depths of despair happening ’round here.

We are deep into the dark season here in Wisconsin. I’ve seen other bloggers talk about the signs of returning spring, and I want to throw a chunk of ice at them. Oh no, honey. Not here. Here we do not mention the S word, for fear of a collective breakdown. Except, shit. I just mentioned it, didn’t I? I will now pause for my fellow Doldrum-experiencers to cry with longing for the season that lingers in the distance too far beyond hope.

* * * * *

Everyone OK? Yes. See, that’s the thing. I think that everyone is OK. (I’m OK, you’re OK, OK now I’m sounding like a self-help book. ack.) I just think that a turn toward darkness in winter is a healthy, natural movement. Remember? It is when we fight it that we cause ourselves harm. I shouldn’t be feeling this way, it is his/her fault, how can we fix this, what is the problem . . .

There is no problem. There is no spoon. These Winter Doldrums have brought me some really nasty-but-good, awful-but-helpful, raw-but-fresh stuff. Stuff that productive spring will do great things with, surely. (shoot! S-word! hope! sorry!)

But, oh . . . . . spring. Spriiiiiiiiiiiiing. Maybe it is not actually so far off? I mean, it is currently snowing. And everything is still deader than dead. And the sun does still set before 6 pm. But . . . shoot! I’ve done it again! Sorry! Moment of silence.

* * * * *

And in case that pathetic little attempt at inspiration doesn’t do it for you, here are some pictures that might. They are not spring-ish in the least, but they are happy, I think. (?)

Do you know the joy of this? Can you hear it? Feel it under your feet? yesssssssssssssssssss. This is, perhaps, the best part of winter. (aside: I asked my husband, showed him the pictures, and he said, "that just looks sad." So maybe I am totally off on this?)

Ecstasy, I tell you. Sheer bliss. crrrrrack.

And, of course, there is the licking of a big hunk of snow. (Dimples) Who can resist that?

And a few more. I gave up putting them into nice little black rectangles for you:

I'm just going to assume that this was not in the driveway. (Mowgli)

And I learned something last weekend. Running in the winter can be fun! Avoiding the poorly-shoveled spots was honestly fun. Like an obstacle course. I'm serious! (Shortcake)

And name-spelling in the snow. There are few things in life as thrilling as a big stretch of undisturbed snow that you are about to have your way with. (Kiki)

Tags: boom-boom ain't it great to be crazy, Dimples, kids, KiKi, Mowgli, nature, outside, photo, Shortcake, soulcraft, swearing is big and clever
Posted in Motherhood, Photography | 9 Comments »

selkie

February 1, 2010

watercolor and ink on arches hot press watercolor paper

As Shortcake was making her way into the world, I was listening to Aine Minogue’s (an Irish harpist, singer, and folklorist) song The Selkie on my iPod. It’s beautiful, and it resonated deeply with me the first time I heard it. But I had no idea what she was saying! I had heard of the mythological selkie, but knew only that it had something to do with water.

Recently, the Celtic myth of the selkie has come back into my life en force. She is a shape-shifter, a sea creature whose sealskin allows her to live in the depths of the ocean. Her home is there, in Sule Skerry, but she can take off her sealskin and become human for a short time as well. In the myth I’ve just read, a human man falls in love with her in this form, as she is sunning herself on the warm rocks, and she becomes his wife. The husband (jackass!) hides her sealskin, so she remains on land, gives birth to his son, and starts to get all parched and peely and icky. She can live without her sealskin, but only for so long (7 years, I think?) before she needs to return to her watery home. It is her son who later finds her sealskin, and she returns to Sule Skerry. Her son is able to travel between the two worlds, and he is who I really identify with. But enough about me . . .

Here the selkie looks out to the ocean, dreaming of Sule Skerry and longing for her sealskin, pregnant with the child who will eventually aid her return.

I know this feeling well. Don’t you?

I’ve listed the original painting on my Etsy, and will be listing prints soon.

Tags: create, etsy, fertility, in which i get a little woo-woo, ink, myth, paint, Shortcake
Posted in Creativity, Drawing, Motherhood | 3 Comments »

Nina

January 11, 2010

You’ve met my friend Nina before, haven’t you?

This is the illustrious Nina:

Nina + crew, tri-x in the mamiya 645af

And Nina’s Palette is her new website.

Nina is my friend Jessica’s sister. You’ve met her before, too. And here she is, headless. Ain’t she purty (despite the dust on this negative scan)?

Jessica and her Yashica. Me, and my tri-x and my Mamiya. Arigato.

And to complicate things, they also have a younger sister who is also gorgeous and fabulous. (And she’s my little brother’s age, so I’m working on a set-up plan, because then we’ll be related. Except she would be all, “Yeah, dude. Get in line,” and he would be all, “whatever.” So forget it. Forget it, already! And anyway, this is all about Nina.)

BECAUSE, LOOK!!! She is featured in OnMilwaukee.com today!

A few weeks ago, Nina and Jessica kidnapped my children and helped them make self-portraits on 16×20 canvas. And besides being blown away by the joy of it (the art, of course, not the missing children), I felt a little inkling of you are on to something here, my friend. It was the collaboration with kids that I sensed, I think, and I knew she was in her element.

Shortly after, she created this beautiful painting with her son, Malachi. When I saw it, I had chills. And also maybe I cried a little. Or a lot. Do you ever get that feeling, when someone you love touches something within themselves that you know is soul, and is purpose, and is divine . . . and then shares it with the world? Oh, it is a really good feeling. An all-is-right-with-the-world feeling.

Go read her story. I think you might just cry. A little.

collaborative acrylic painting by Nina and her son, Malachi

Tags: create, Dimples, film, inspiration, Jessica, kids, KiKi, Mowgli, Nina, paint, Shortcake
Posted in Creativity, Motherhood, Photography | 11 Comments »

Wanderlust Versus The Hermit

January 9, 2010

The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page. ~St. Augustine

(and / or )

I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. ~Henry David Thoreau, “Solitude,” Walden, 1854

cutest snow-capped sunflower ever, digital

<<<—-Tell me this isn’t the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

Dead lil’ sunflower, wearing a cap of snow . . .

This particular plant was sowed by the birds at our bird-feeder this summer. Somehow, one flew to the exact location at the back corner of the house that needed a little decoration, and dropped a seed from its beak. We returned from vacation to find a sweet little sunflower plant growing there.

I find this so much more inspiring than landcaping (although I have got high hopes for my magnolia this Spring).

I see this photo as a paradox: wild and free, versus buried in snow. But, Nature herself is a hypocrite. Snow is wildness; it is Nature. So, it’s all good.

(I’m confused.)

Anyway. The point is, I’m currently experiencing this crazy mix of both wanderlust and a desire for hermitage. I feel, comfortably, a bit dead and snow-capped like the flower. And, like her seeds, I’m feeling the distantly approaching Spring like an itch. At the same time, visions of travel are dancing in my head, as I’ve mentioned. I don’t need fancy travel, I just need to roam. I need no souvenirs with which to boast, no intelligent well-traveled conversation material.

JUST GET ME THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!

Now, wait. Let me defend this spontaneous outburst. I don’t need to flee. I am very adept at fantasy and coffee dates and other diversionary tactics of escapism from this mundane domestic life. Truly, I would be perfectly happy to sit and cozy (as if it were a verb) and read and doodle and veg for days and weeks on end. This wanderlust is not cabin fever.

It’s just an intense desire for the unfamiliar. I cherish the familiar and the ordinary and the everyday. But the feeling of being blindsided by the incomprehensible scale of that mountain, or merging with the warmth and depth of that sandstone canyon wall, or the feeling the strong pull of that ocean current . . . Oh, that. I need me summadat.

And soon.

But, apparently, nobody seems inclined to donate to my wanderlust fund. So, whatever.

TAF_1348x

Tags: how to fly by the seat of your pants, i just felt like i needed an extra tag, nature, outside, quotes, Shortcake
Posted in Frivolous Nonsense, Photography | 6 Comments »

The End

December 29, 2009

in celebration of 2009 (such a good year),

: (mowgli)

as it teeters on the edge of december,

: (dimples)

and then escapes into 2010.

: (kiki)

. . . the end.

: (shortcake)

Tags: Dimples, how to fly by the seat of your pants, kids, KiKi, Mowgli, non-pissy, outside, photo, Shortcake
Posted in Frivolous Nonsense, Photography | 16 Comments »

NO LAUGHING AT THE AMATEUR SLEEP DEPRIVED POET

December 16, 2009

#1. I am no longer sleep-deprived, but when I wrote this poem(?), I was. So it is now safe to laugh. Or whatever.

#2. It was this post from Pixie that got me feeling all stirry.

#3. The photo below is unrelated, unless you really look at it. Then it is entirely appropriate. You’ll just have to discover that for yourselves.

#4. The photo yesterday was not Shortcake.

#5. Is it poetry if it has stanzas?

tri-x neg scan

the somethings that brew in the darkest night
the stirring
power
the depth

i can feel it, almost
like a shadow

whatever is there only
when i look away
like the demon i thought i’d imagined (when i was young)
then almost wished was real (still)

the darkness without the candle
moonless night

inky soul

i can feel it
i can taste it
like drumming, deep
can you feel it

simmer?
new moon, solstice
silent night, holy, night

gestation.

and then
everyone else
who feels it, too
like the hallelujah chorus unsung,
like a storm ready and electric

you
and then
me
and then

Tags: fertility, film, in which i get a little woo-woo, photo, shadow, Shortcake, writing
Posted in Creativity, Frivolous Nonsense | 4 Comments »

snow day

December 9, 2009

i’ve got this one blog sitting in my “drafts” folder.

it is self-indulgent and pathetic and whiny.

it says something like, “what if i don’t want to do this anymore?”

because i kinda don’t right now. wanna do this. anymore.

but actually, that is just nonsense today.

because it’s a SNOW DAY!

and who in the world can be self-indulgent and pathetic and whiny (which i think should be spelled whinEy, but spell check disagrees)

on a SNOW DAY?

this neighborhood crew will make a fort come rain, shine, or snow. it is all about the fort. DSC_0636x

shortcake watches out the window. she thinks snow is “yucky.” DSC_0625x

what about this picture does not say “Wisconsin?” DSC_0640x

and of course, black nail polish is a post-hot-cocoa necessity. for some reason. Untitled-1x

i’ve got really cute kids. DSC_0649x

p.s. i’d like to dedicate this post to my mom. watch for her comment, i’m sure it will be entertaining.

Tags: another neighbor, Dimples, kids, KiKi, Mowgli, NeeNee, non-pissy, outside, photo, Shortcake, That Neighbor Chick, whiney and pathetic
Posted in Frivolous Nonsense, Motherhood, Photography | 12 Comments »